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Making Space for All Feelings

Making Space for All Feelings

Apoorva Modi
August 20, 2025

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🌿 Quick Read: No Such Thing as a Bad Feeling

🌈 Feelings Are Messengers, Not Enemies

Emotions aren’t good or bad — they’re signals from the body and brain.

Anger → Something feels unfair or out of control.
Sadness → We’ve lost something we care about.
Fear → We need safety or reassurance.
Joy → We’ve found connection or meaning.

When parents treat certain feelings (like anger or fear) as “bad,” children learn to suppress rather than understand them. Over time, this makes emotions bigger, harder to manage, and sometimes redirected in unhealthy ways.

🧠 Why This Matters for the Brain

Children’s developing brains rely on caregivers to help them make sense of emotions.

Validation + acceptance of feelings activates the prefrontal cortex (thinking brain), calming the amygdala (alarm system).
Dismissal or shame about feelings strengthens the brain’s stress circuits, making children more reactive.

When we show kids that all emotions are allowed, we wire their brains for resilience, problem-solving, and trust.

🌱 Making Space Doesn’t Mean Approving All Behavior

This is the nuance parents often wonder about:

It’s okay for a child to feel angry.
It’s not okay for them to hit a sibling.

By separating the feeling (always valid) from the behavior (needs guidance), we give children tools to both express safely and self-regulate.

💬 Scripts Parents Can Try

“It’s okay to feel mad. It’s not okay to hurt. Let’s stomp together until the mad gets smaller.”
“You’re really sad about saying goodbye. That makes sense. I’ll sit with you while you feel it.”
“That was scary for you. I’m here, and you’re safe now.”
“You’re so excited! Let’s jump it out together!”

🌟 What Kids Learn When All Feelings Are Welcome

Self-Trust: “My emotions make sense. I can listen to them.”
Healthy Expression: “Feelings aren’t dangerous — they can move through me.”
Resilience: “Feelings come and go. I don’t have to avoid them.”
Compassion: “If my feelings are okay, so are yours.”

🌸 For Parents Too

Many of us didn’t grow up with this message. We may have been told:

“Stop crying, it’s not a big deal.”
“Don’t be mad.”
“You’re too sensitive.”

Re-parenting ourselves while parenting our children is hard — but powerful. By allowing our kids to feel everything, we also remind ourselves that our own emotions are valid too.